It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
