im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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