You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize