You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
