Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
