So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
this hospital has no fireball
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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