just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
