dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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