Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
