the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize