Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
