Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
