piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
