If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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