I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
