dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
