she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
