Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
