Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I will pee on everything he values.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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