lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
