I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
