Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
40s are totally the cure
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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