Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
