when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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