No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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