So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
