Even the bartender felt bad for me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
