I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
