You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
