so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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