is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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