OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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