Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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