We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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