i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
