Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
