theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
