Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
