so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
