i was born a porn star she said
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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