Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
