I think scott just propositioned me for sex
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My penis needs a shock collar
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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