dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
