Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
