i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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