Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
