Already got asked if we're dating
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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