I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
