Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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