Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize