even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
