I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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