I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
