we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
