He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
