rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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