An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
