I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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