Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
