dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
