dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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