I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There r osticjed everywhere
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
