On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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