Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
