I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
