I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
