Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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