Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
