I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
