Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize