he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
